From Brontë to Patchett

I just finished reading The Verts, Ann Patchett's latest children's book beautifully illustrated by Robin Preiss Glasser. The contrasting preferences for a birthday celebration between two siblings reminded me of the contrast between a set of cousins in Emily Brontë's Wuthering Heights

In Chapter 24 of Wuthering Heights, Catherine Linton recounts the contrast between Heathcliff's son summed up in their different ideal summer days:

'One time, however, we were near quarrelling. He said the pleasantest manner of spending a hot July day was lying from morning till evening on a bank of heath in the middle of the moors, with the bees humming dreamily about among the bloom, and the larks singing high up overhead, and the blue sky and bright sun shining steadily and cloudlessly. That was his most perfect idea of heaven's happiness: mine was rocking in a rustling green tree, with a west wind blowing, and bright white clouds flitting rapidly above; and not only larks, but throstles, and blackbirds, and linnets, and cuckoos pouring out music on every side, and the moors seen at a distance, broken into cool dusky dells; but close by great swells of long grass undulating in waves to the breeze; and woods and sounding water, and the whole world awake and wild with joy. He wanted all to lie in an ecstasy of peace; I wanted all to sparkle and dance in a glorious jubilee. I said his heaven would be only half alive; and he said mine would be drunk: I said I should fall asleep in his; and he said he could not breathe in mine, and began to grow very snappish. At last, we agreed to try both, as soon as the right weather came; and then we kissed each other and were friends.

These two statements, in particular, encapsulate the differences between introverts who need to 
 recharge in quiet surroundings and extroverts who feel inviograted by activity:

"He wanted all to lie in an ecstasy of peace; I wanted all to sparkle and dance in a glorious jubilee. I said his heaven would be only half alive; and he said mine would be drunk: I said I should fall asleep in his; and he said he could not breathe in mine."

In Pratchett's book, we have that difference depicted in Ivan's desire for solitude and quiet versus Estie's desire to throw a party with a lot of guests and noise. Thought Emily would not have used the terms attached to "vert," as a staunch introvert herself, she, certainly, would have recognized that aspect of human nature. 

Order these here 

Related

Perspectives on Introversion

Working Alone

The Great Introvert

Jane Austen's Heroines

Happiness is

Views on Boundaries

Public or it didn't happen

Jane Austen and Autism

  

 Some years ago, I wrote about introversion in Jane Austen's heroines here:  Jane Austen's heroines.  What was left out of that perspective was a consideration of introverted heroes. They include both Edward Ferrars and Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility. But the most beloved introvert hero of all is Mr. Darcy of Pride and Prejudice.

Mr. Darcy exhibits such extreme introverted behavior in the earlier parts of the book that some readers interpret it as signs of being on the spectrum. I first came across that theory in a YouTube video. 

To be fair, it doesn't quite claim that Mr. Darcy is autistic but that what defines his comfort zone, as well as his way of thinking and responding to social and conversational cues really resonates with those who are neuroatypical. 

A few days after I happened across that video, I found the source of theory of Darcy as autistic in Deborah Yaffe's book Among the Janeites.  It stems from a speech therapist named Phyllis Ferguson Bottomer. Her inspiration was not the book itself but the A&E adaptation that she watched in 2002. She zeroed in on the important interaction in Ch. 31 in which Elizabeth relays her point of view of  Mr. Darcy's rudeness, and he explains himself:

“I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,” said Darcy,“of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.”

Bottomer seized on the parallel between this explanation and how Temple Grandin explained her experienced her experience as an autistic in her autobiography: "I have always have a hard time fitting in with this rhythm."

Bottomer was so convinced that the novel portrayed people on the spectrum that she started presenting at Jane Austen conferences and wrote her own book on the subject: So Odd a Mixture: Along the Autistic Spectrum in 'Pride and Prejudice.'

I haven't read Bottomer's book, but I have read quite a number of books on introversion (see links

Pride and Prejudice gold-plated necklace

 below). I'm also an introvert myself and do understand the reluctance to make small talk and throw oneself into a dance when one is feeling not truly connected to those around one. 

Perhaps one would argue that introverts have some autistic tendencies, but one could just as well say that autistics have some introvert tendencies. In a Venn diagram, there would be an overlap between the two. Bearing that in mind, one need not conclude that anyone with those shared tendencies is necessarily on the spectrum, or that perhaps we should really normalize what is considered neuroatypical as typical because introverts do make up a substantial number of the population, as much as half, according to Laurie Helgoe. 

Whether one attributes Mr. Darcy's standoffishness to autistic tendencies or to a natural proclivity for introversion, the assumption Jane Austen and Elizabeth make is that it can be countered. In this key exchange, she likens conversational social skills to playing an instrument and so gently chides him by way of analogy: 

“My fingers,” said Elizabeth, “do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women’s do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault—because I will not take the trouble of practising. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other woman’s of superior execution.”

Darcy takes this as her seeing a point of commonality between them, which makes him feel more at ease in her presence. Notice how often he responds to what she says with a smile, and this is one of those instances:

Darcy smiled and said, “You are perfectly right. You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you can think anything wanting. We neither of us perform to strangers.”

He takes this to mean she understands them, but in truth she doesn't yet. That will take more time and more opening up on his end, risking vulnerability, which many introverts find extremely difficult. But that is the key to their whole relationship: Darcy has to overcome his natural inclination to connect with Elizabeth, and she has to let go of her extrovert assumption that she can take a full and accurate read on others instantly. They are the paradigm of a successful marriage of opposites.

See

The Marriage of Opposites

Jane Austen Silhouette Wine Glass

Happiness is

Perspectives on Introversions

The Great Introvert

Jane Austen: Love and Money

Love and Limerence in Jane Austen

Jane Austen at the Morgan
Three Janes, Two Governesses
Observations on Jane Austen's Emma

Jane Austen's Heroines

Pride, Prejudice and Persuasion: Obstacles to Happiness 

Pride and Prejudice in Job Applications
The Big Bow-wow & Bit of Ivory

Jane Austen's Heroines 

Jane Austen and Capability Brown

Public, or it didn't happen

The title is a variation on the "Pictures, or it didn't happen" demand that we sometimes see in comments on posts. The idea is that the visual is necessary to really convince the audience that the account is true. (Why seeing should be believing in the age of Photoshop and CGI is beyond me, but I can visualize things through descriptive texts).

To return to the title, though, it refers to the way some  extroverts see the world -- only things that happen in public really matter. In the introvert universe, though, what transpires in private counts just as much as what happens in public, sometimes even more so.

Lately, there's a trend to make introversion more socially acceptable by stressing that it's not a matter of being anti-social, just of needing to recharge with alone time. However, that really is an overly simplistic reduction. There are real differences between introverted and extroverted perspectives on interaction that extend beyond what one may prefer to do during leisure time to feel revitalized.

I believe that accounts for how extroverts forget about things that are very important to introverts but have no public impact. For example, after I had a baby and couldn't drive for a while, someone nearby promised she would drive my son, along with her own kids, into school. Even though she made the offer on her own and not in response to my request for a favor, she forgot all about it. Another woman I carpooled with for camp just failed to show up on the last day because she decided not to send her kid in then and couldn't even be bothered to let me know by phone.

 I don't think it's just a matter of general forgetfulness but the way extroverts process things require a more public event for them to rank as important. Letting down someone in private just doesn't count. On the other hand, should the introvert skip a party filled with people with no real common interests, well, that's a crime not to be forgiven.


More recently, I've seen this happen again in variations. The extroverts involved would, undoubtedly, claim that they are nice people. But they really have no empathy for the introverted way of thinking -- that which is private also matters, especially when it is a matter of keeping your word and not letting down someone who thought you could be relied on. But in their mind, only what happens in public is important.




Related posts:
http://uncommoncontent.blogspot.com/2014/12/views-on-boundaries.html
http://uncommoncontent.blogspot.com/2013/08/happiness-is.html
http://uncommoncontent.blogspot.com/2012/04/great-introvert.html
http://uncommoncontent.blogspot.com/2012/04/working-alone.html
http://uncommoncontent.blogspot.com/2012/05/perspectives-on-introversion-this-is.html
http://uncommoncontent.blogspot.com/2013/06/jane-austens-heroines-from-extroverted.html

Happiness is

Do you find happiness surrounded by the throngs of people and noise in a club? 

Or do you find in silent contemplation of the beauty nature? 

Happiness is not one-size-fits-all but a function of one's own subjectivity --whatever or whomever one loves. For some people that may be parties and rock concerts, while for others it may be reading a book on a beach and listening to a string quartet. Though one's choice of activity  is more social on an objective scale, that does not mean the individual is experiencing a greater feeling of happiness.

That's because happiness can be found in quiet contentment just as much as it is in outward celebration. 

For the chemistry that underlies the difference in preferences for pleasurable outlets between introverts and extroverts, see Introverts and Extroverts: The Brain Chemistry Behind Their Differences

 Herein lies the problem of declaring who is the happiest of them all.  As researchers rush in where angels fear to tread, psychologist Will Fleeson of Wake Forest University headed an often quoted  2010 study that declared extroverted behavior is correlated with happiness.

The abstract puts it as follows:

In Study 1, participants reported their extraversion and positive affect every 3 hr for 2 weeks. Each participant was happier when acting extraverted than when acting introverted. Study 2's diary methodology replicated the relationship for weekly variations in positive affect. Study 3's experimental methodology replicated the relationship when extraversion was manipulated within a fixed situation. Thus, the relationship between extraversion and positive affect, previously demonstrated between persons, also characterizes the internal, ongoing psychological functioning of individuals and is likely to be explained by something capable of rapid intraindividual variation. Furthermore, traits and states are at least somewhat isomorphic, and acting extraverted may increase well-being. 

Sophia Dembling addressed the problem with the definitions of happiness here in her book The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World. As I suspected from the shortness of the chapters in the book, they are based on previously published blog posts. The one on the happiness study is at http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/201009/is-our-definition-happiness-extrovert-centric:

For his research, Fleeson drew on a three-component model of happiness, using just one of the three components: Positive affect. That's the happy other people can see and hear, and it is strongly related to extroversion. The second leg of the stool is life satisfaction, which is more cognitive than emotional: Even if you're not feeling great at the moment, you know your life is pretty good all around. (Introverts have a little bit less of that kind of happiness than extroverts. We think too much, right?)
The third component of happiness is absence of negative affect--not having anxiety, fear, anger, frustration. "And the opposite of that is feeling at peace, at ease," Fleeson explained.
At peace, at ease. Those also sound introvert-ish to me.
So one could argue that introvert happiness here is being described as a sort of negative space. Feeling peaceful is not positive affect, it is the lack of negative affect.....

As she points out, though, the peaceful, calm type of happy is the one that introverts normally prefer to what she describes as "one long Mountain Dew commercial." Even though they do sometimes want to socialize as much as the next person, extended extroverted behavior drains them of energy, which would make them not exactly happy -- even if they are keeping up a socially accepted smile..

Oh, and whether introverts pay a price for behaving like extroverts is research for another day. Fleeson didn't explore the energy cost for introverts behaving extroverted, although he personally understands the need to crawl into a dark room after a stretch of interaction.
But he did say that when he had subjects sit at a table and assigned them to act either introverted or extroverted for ten minutes at a time, the subjects who got most exhausted by the task were extroverts who had to behave introverted.

 Maybe extroversion is a force so strong that suppressing it is exhausting. Or maybe introversion generates energy of its own, so intense it wears extroverts out. 

A note on the book, it does make some excellent observations about introverts, though as it is a short paperback, it is much less thorough than Susan Cain's book. I also found the short chapters too much like blog posts, which, as self-contained pieces sometimes overlap a bit with other chapters in the book -- though it's great for people who like to just read a couple of pages at a time.  

Dembling  refers in places to Laurie Helgoe's writing, which I reviewed, along with Cain's and another name in the field of inroversion in http://uncommoncontent.blogspot.com/2012/05/perspectives-on-introversion-this-is.html Interesting that all these books are written by women. While the other three all identify their husbands as extroverts, Dembling is not altogether clear about that; it sounds like he is also an introvert, though more extroverted than she is.

Related:

Working alone
The Great Introvert
Jane Austen's Heroines Ranging from Extroverted Emma to Introverted Fanny
Views on Boundaries
Public or it didn't happen